The Gift and Curse of Self-Awareness
Holding Self-Awareness in its Correct Place.
A Simple Definition
It feels right to start with a definition of self-awareness, as we live in a culture that unhealthily accentuates “self-love.” Not biblical self-awareness. 2 Corinthians 10:5 can give us a good start with exploring our definition: “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ…” (ESV). Keep in mind there are plenty of working definitions of self-awareness out there, but I would like to define it in such a way that helps us work through the rest of this article.
A simple definition of biblical self-awareness could be as such: One’s ability to take every thought, emotion, and action and hold it up against the truth of God’s Word. In contrast, worldly self-awareness directly focuses on one’s personal preferences in how they decide what should and should not be “fixed” within their own character, all based on an arbitrary, non-defined morality.
The Curse (of Worldly Self-Awareness)
In an article for Harvard Business Review, Tasha Eurich explains that there are two types of self-awareness: internal and external. Internal being how we view ourselves; external being our understanding of how others view us.[1]
Internal and external self-awareness can be a curse if misused and misapplied.
1. The Curse of Internal Self-Awareness
How we view ourselves can be determined by the culture surrounding us or the Holy Spirit within us. Often, the believer allows the culture to define how they are to see themselves. Self-awareness becomes self-love. Self-love becomes “living your truth.” “Living your truth” turns into a life of self-defined ethics and the selfishness of asking everyone else to live your truth or “accept” your immorality.
An incorrect understanding of the purpose of internal self-awareness will lead to (and has led to) an unhealthy subjectivity in the way we view ourselves and the morality of others around us. We are not called to define our morals; we are called to know God’s objective morals and adjust our lives accordingly.
Even from a biblical perspective, we can fall into the trap of what I would call “sin depression.” Sin depression says, “I am a sinner, I am worth nothing, and even though God saved me from my sins, I am yet still unable to see myself as a saint in any way.” Both are true. You are sinful, and you are seen as a saint.
Born Sinner: Romans 3:23; Psalm 14:3; Romans 7:21–24
Reborn Saint: Romans 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:2; Ephesians 2:19
A healthy balance must be found in our awareness of sin and our reborn (and redefined) nature as saints through our union with Christ’s righteousness, death, and resurrection.
2. The Curse of External Self-Awareness
If external self-awareness has to do with our understanding of how other people view us, then we are in a world of trouble if we begin to define ourselves based on how other people perceive us. I have heard the phrase, “perception is reality,” and I both agree and disagree. Yes, perception may be the reality for the sinful human who places assumptions upon a person or situation without thoroughly assessing the truth at hand. No, perception is often not reality regarding what lies at the core of the person or problem at hand.
The problem arises when someone else’s perception of us or our situation becomes our reality and defines our identity. Yes, sometimes there may be truth in their perception, and we must have the discernment to know when to allow their criticism to awaken a change in our character or story. But this is usually not the case (speaking from my own experience).
Proverbs 29:25 clearly states: “Fear of man will prove to be a snare; but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe” (NIV). Unhealthy, worldly self-awareness bases its identity on what other people think about them rather than what God thinks about them.
The Gift (of Biblical Self-Awareness)
As I began this article, I gave us my working definition of biblical self-awareness, which is one’s ability to take every thought, emotion, and action and hold it up against the truth of God’s Word.
Through the work of the Holy Spirit and the salvation process of sanctification, healthy, biblical self-awareness is possible and purposeful. When we “take thoughts captive” (which are sinful, more often than not), we can hold them in parallel to God’s beautiful truth and see if they line up. A quick note on when our thoughts, emotions, and actions line up or miss the mark will suffice.
1. When Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions Line Up
When our thoughts, emotions, and actions fully line up to the truth of God’s Word, we have only one response: gratitude. For it is only by the Spirit that this was even possible. Jesus tells His disciples in John’s Gospel, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 NIV).
Action Step to Consider: Journal and pray out loud your gratitude and thanksgiving for the work the Spirit is doing in your heart, soul, and mind. When we put it to writing or speak it out loud, we solidify the gratitude we feel for our Holy God more deeply.
2. When Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions Miss the Mark
Every single day we miss the mark. Not a day goes by where we don’t knowingly or unknowingly commit what R.C. Sproul called “cosmic treason” against our Heavenly Father. So, when we recognize that our thoughts, emotions, and actions miss the mark of Truth, I recommend two things: repent and turn.
Peter, in the middle of his speech at Solomon’s portico, says this to the crowd (who he indirectly blamed for the killing of Jesus), “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out” (Acts 3:19, emphasis mine). In other words, recognize and confess your sins to God and turn away from those sins rather than fall directly back into them. You missed the target, but you’re given another arrow. You fell short, but you are forgiven. Repent and turn.
Action Step to Consider: Partake in the Spiritual Discipline of Confession. Confess your sins publicly and privately; publicly to trusted friends who understand the need for confidentiality, and privately in the presence of the Father who is “faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
[1] Eurich, Tasha. “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It).” Harvard Business Review, 1 Feb. 2022, https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it.